Impact of Technology on Trade

Impact of Technology on Trade Technology plays a crucial role in the development of countries. It is very important both for developed countries and developing countries as technology progress will enable countries to be more competitive in the global market. Thus progress in technology helps countries to develop the economy and strengthens their trading positions in the competitive global market (Sabir, 2010). With the development of technology, high-tech products will become the major players in international trade. The traditional primary products and ordinary manufacturing goods will account for less in the international trade business than before. In order to illustrate the impact of technology on trade and development for the country, this essay will take South Korea, a developed country and the Samsung products as example to analyze the way the technology influences the countrys development and its trade. Technology development in South Korea The development of technology can decide the future of the country in terms of its economy growth and its position in the international community. South Korea, as all we know, is a lively example in the technology research and development. Forty years ago, South Korea was still a laggard agricultural country and was empty in science technology fields. However, during 40 years endeavor, South Korea has made outstanding performance and achievements in the technology development. Its innovation capability is improved a lot and the distance to developed countries regarding the technology aspect is becoming closer. Since 1970s and 1980s, the science technology policies of South Korea have been gradually shifted from introduction imitation model to self-development and innovation (Viotti, 2002). Therefore, since then, high-tech projects, such as sophisticated electronics, new materials, semiconductors, precision chemistry etc. have been developed rapidly in South Korea. That Semi-conduc tors enterprises, such as Samsung, can successfully compete in the international semiconductor market can not separate from the independent technological innovation. Thanks to the technology progress, South Korea has made great development in economy. As we know, economy and technology are two essentials which can not be separated from each other for the country. The progress of technology will promote the development of the countrys economy, meanwhile, economy growth will enable the country more capital to the technology research. From the experience of developed countries, their fast development in economy can not be separated from their progress in technology. Technology is becoming the core for the developed countries (Hausmann and Rodrik, 2003). Impact of technology on trade and economy growth Economic development of South Korea started in 1950s and achieved a take-off in economy growth in 1960s. In the initial stage, South Korea applied inward economy growth strategy; however, since 1962 the country began to implement an export-oriented economy development strategy. South Korea is severely dependent on the external markets since its internal market is very limited. The country is highly focused on the export business to create foreign exchange and import the scarce resources. With the development in high-technology fields, South Korea has realized to increase the exports of the high-tech products which have successfully contributed to a rapid economic growth for the country. South Korea has achieved a considerable growth in its GNP from 87 USD in 1962 to 10 936 USD in 2001. This is close to the highly-developed countries. Among the exporting volumes, the high-tech products are increasing year by year. In 1988, the high-tech products accounted for 15.97% of the total expor ting volume. In 1999, the high-tech products reached to 32.2% (Kwon, 2010). The progress in technology has greatly helped South Korea in achieving good result in the global trade market and resulted in a great growth in GDP and its overall economy. Samsung Electronic is a typical successful example in the research and development of technology for South Korea or even for the whole Asian countries. Many technological and electronic manufacturers in Asian countries are trying to learning from Samsung Company. Samsung Electronic Company has made great contribution to South Koreas economic development. Samsung has got its white goods and other products such as mobile phones famous in the global marketplace. In 2000, the export amount of Samsung Electronic has reached to 18.6 billion US dollars which accounted for 11 percent of the total exporting value. In 2004, Samsung has made a breakthrough of 50 billion US dollars of exporting value and accounted for 21% of the total export value in South Korea (Kang and Jin, 2006). The reason why Samsung products can take a great market share in the global trade market is highly dependent on the technology progress. Take Samsung mobile phone as example, with the continuous innovation and progr ess made in the technological field, Samsung mobile phone is now become one of the leading mobile brands in the world. It has already posed a threat to Nokia and Motorolas leading positions in the global mobile phone market (Uimonen, 2000). Facing the fierce competition environment in the global mobile phone market, Samsung mobile phone maintains its strategy to position high-end products for the people with certain consuming capability. High-end products need high-technology to support and continuous improvement in the technology innovation to maintain the high price. Therefore, Samsung never stops its technology research and contributes considerable amount of money into new technology research and innovation every year. Besides the mobile phone area, Samsung is also making efforts to expand its other electronic products with high technology, such as TV, LED, refrigerator, and other white goods in the global markets (Bonaglia, Goldstein and Mathews, 2007). Of course, China is its l argest trading partner and Samsung products have covered a relatively large market share in China. Conclusion In conclusion, technology progress is the major power and source to speed up the development of the social economy for a country. Nowadays, as peace and development are the major theme for the international communities, high-technology is attached great importance in boosting the economy growth for a country. At the same time, under the globalization trend, the development of technology will help the country to be more competitive in the global trade market thus to boost the countrys economy development.

The Patriot Act Essay -- Terrorism Government Patriot Act Essays

The Patriot Act After the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001 our country underwent a change that has drastically affected the fundamental values that our founding fathers instilled in this country. Since that tragic day in September the aftermath of the attacks has started to implicate our Civil Liberties that in this country we hold so dear. Just 45 days after the September 11 attacks, with virtually no debate, Congress passed the USA Patriot Act on October 5th, 2001. This act expanded the surveillance powers of domestic law enforcement and international intelligence agencies. The controversy that must be discussed is whether or not this legislation fully or in part has violated the Constitution and/or endangered our civil liberties in any way. John Kerry former presidential candidate is opposed to the patriot act stating ?We are a nation of laws and liberties, not of a knock in the night. So it is time to end the era of John Ashcroft. That starts with replacing the Patriot Act with a new l aw that protects our people and our liberties at the same time.? John Kerry is right in suggesting that the patriot act is thinning our freedoms. Those who feel the patriot act is going to protect us from harm fail to see the dark side of the legislation which is relinquishing us of our rights guaranteed to us in the Bill of Rights and the Constitution.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  The USA Patriot Act or the Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act of 2001 is a US legislative law enacted in response to the September 11, 2001 Terrorist Attacks. The bill passed 98-1 in the United States Senate, and 356-66 in the United States House of Representatives; Senator Russ Feingold cast the Senate's lone dissenting vote. President George W. Bush signed the bill into law on October 26, 2001. Assistant attorney general Viet D. Dinh was the chief architect of the act. In the article written by Michelle Malkin titled ?Antiterrorism Legislation Will Make America Safer? Malkin defends although unpopular the USA Patriot Act has allowed law enforcement to make America safer from terrorists. She Maintains that the act has already thwarted further acts of terror by helping law enforcement break up terror cells, convict people guilty of terror-related crimes, and prevent foreign criminals an d terrorists from entering the United S... ...mines the Fourth Amendment to our Constitution, which protects against unreasonable searches and seizures. There was obviously some concern about this by Congress, which is the reason that the Patriot Act was sunset at five years. One day after the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center President Bush vowed, ?We will not allow this enemy to win the war by changing our way of life or restricting our freedoms.? Unfortunately, by becoming an aggressive advocate of the Patriot Act, the President is doing just that. During Bush?s State of the Union speech, he emphasized that a key role of our government was to protect us from foreign terrorists. However, if the Bush Administration continues to advocate such measures as the Patriot Act, then an important question is raised: Who will protect us from our own government? I conclude my stance with a quote from Senator Russel Feingold the sole senator who voted in opposition to the USA Patriot Act, Feingold passionately states ?Preserving our freedom is one of the main reasons that we are now engaged in this new war against terrorism. We will lose that war without firing a shot if we sacrifice the liberties of the American people.?

Guidance of Young Children Essay -- Elementary Eduacation

My prior understanding of discipline was uneducated and inaccurate. I was certain that discipline was related to punishment and the goal was to have a particular unwanted behavior to cease. A child that required discipline would be singled out, scolded, forced to perform a chore or action, such as sit for a time out, or the child would have something taken away, such as television or toys. As a child, I grew up in a household with parents who were primarily authoritative. They tended to be fair; however they did use punishment through "grounding", which generally meant that we were not able to engage in fun for set period of time. Other times, we were instructed to perform some sort of labor of their choice, such as washing my Dad's car. I rarely misbehaved in school due to the fact that I was extremely shy, so I lacked the need for negative discipline however I can clearly recall other children being told put their heads down, sit in the back of the room or move to the hallway when the teacher would become exhausted with their continuous misbehavior. I became aware that many people including the parents of students still validate these tainted forms of discipline and may require some edification on the behalf of the teacher to discover more appropriate methods of discipline (EDC, personal communication, October 13, 2011). As my education with the childcare field strengthens, I have discovered that guidance is the appropriate method to be used to reach the goal of harmony in the classroom. "Guidance means creating a positive learning environment for each child in the group" (Gartrell, 2004, p. 21) With the use of guidance and a democratic classroom, children feel important and have greater respect for their teacher, whi... ...ng, and walking in safe, open areas while also providing children with the ability to safely push, pull, roll, and climb (Marion, 2012, p. 108). Younger children are just developing their gross motor skills and tend to fall or bump themselves, so furniture must be safe and low to the ground. Because the children in a daycare are so young, there is a higher risk of injury if the environment is not accommodating. In a school classroom, the majority children are sturdier, have more advanced gross motors skills, as well as prior knowledge about certain dangers, so while precautions have to be taken, they are not as extreme. Bibliography Gartrell, D. (2004). The power of guidance, teaching social-emotional skills in early childhood classrooms. Belmont, CA: Delmar Marion, M. (2012). Guidance of young children. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc

Colonising Within the Marriage in Rhyss Wide Sargasso Sea Essay

Colonising Within the Marriage in Rhys's Wide Sargasso Sea      Ã‚   Jean Rhys' complex text, Wide Sargasso Sea, came about as an attempt to re-invent an identity for Rochester's mad wife, Bertha Mason, in Jane Eyre, as Rhys felt that Bronte had totally misrepresented Creole women and the West Indies: 'why should she think Creole women are lunatics and all that? What a shame to make Rochester's wife, Bertha, the awful madwoman, and I immediately thought I'd write a story as it might really have been.' (Jean Rhys: the West Indian Novels, p144).   It is clear that Rhys wanted to reclaim a voice and a subjectivity for Bertha, the silenced Creole, and to subvert the assumptions made by the Victorian text.   She does so with startling results.   In her quest to re-instate Bertha's identity, Rhys raises issues such as the problems of colonisation, gender relations and racial issues.   She explores the themes of displacement, Creolisation and miscegenation.   However, the aim of this essay is to look at the marriage contract within the tex t,   its effects on the participants' sense of selfhood and its comparisons with the colonial encounter. The marriage contract, for Rhys, is ultimately cast as a colonial encounter in the novel.   However, the problem of displacement and a shaky sense of one's own identity are already well established in the first part of the text, long before the marriage takes place.   It seems that Rhys wants to bring the problems of the Creole existence to the fore at the very beginning of the novel, and lay emphasis on Antoinette's feelings of alienation: the white Creoles are neither part of the black slave community or accepted as European either (a lack of belonging that Rhys knew all too well):   'they say when... ...ys 109)   physically displaces her, splitting her from the West Indies and any connection with a self image: 'there is no looking-glass here and I don't know what I am like now...what am I doing in this place and who am I?' (WSS 117).   At this point in the novel, Rochester's role as coloniser and Antoinette's as colonised within the marriage are fully realised.   Rochester, in the position of power, has successfully taken possession of Antoinette's wealth, property and identity.   Antoinette, stripped of all three, has made the transition from Rhys' text to the imperial construction of the mad woman in the attic of Jane Eyre. Works Cited: Rhys, Jean. Wide Sargasso Sea. London: Penguin, 1997. Howells, Coral Ann. Jean Rhys. London: Harvester Wheatsheaf, 1991. O'Connor, Teresa F. Jean Rhys: The West Indian Novels. New York: New York University Press, 1986.

More Than Just a Dead Moth Essay

Annie Dillard wrote an essay, â€Å"Death of a Moth,† which is from her book, Holy the Firm. Dillard’s essay, â€Å"Death of a Moth,† starts off with the author talking about a couple of dead moths behind her toilet in her bathroom. Then Dillard starts reminiscing about an encounter she had with a moth on a camping trip she took by herself in Virginia. While Dillard was reading a book, a moth flew into her tent and into her candle’s flame and burned. Then, Dillard starts analyzing the burning moth and starts taking notes on it in her journal. From the events of that camping trip, Dillard wrote the essay â€Å"Death of a Moth†. The reason Dillard wrote journals on the burning moth and devoted an essay on the moth is because she gained a lot of insight from the burning moth. One of the many things that Annie Dillard saw in the dying moth was a theme of life. â€Å"†¦a saffron yellow flame that robed her to the ground like any immolating monk. † (Dillard 4) Back around the 1960’s, monks would set themselves on fire to go against government oppression. The theme that Dillard saw in the moth was from every loss came a gain. When the monks would set themselves on fire, it would draw attention from the world. So, from the death of the monk, which was the loss, came the attention of the world to what was going on, and that was the gain. Another example of the theme of loss and gain that Annie Dillard saw in the burning moth was connected to herself. On this camping trip, Dillard was reading book The Day on Fire which inspired her to be a writer when she was sixteen. Dillard was hoping that reading the book would re-inspire her to want to be a writer again because she wasn’t as motivated to write. While Dillard was reading the book, a moth flew into her candlelight and burned for a long time. The death of the moth happens to be what inspired Dillard, â€Å"†¦while I read by her light, kindled. † (4) So, the theme of loss and gain was shown here again, where the death of the moth was the loss and Dillard being re-inspired was the gain. The last thing Annie Dillard saw in the dead moth was the value of something after death. Even though the moth was dead, it was serving a purpose, a role after its death. And then this moth-essence, this spectacular skeleton, began to act as a wick. She kept burning†¦. She burned for two hours. † (4) No matter how small something is, it will always serve a purpose, especially after it death. The moth served a small physical purpose after its death by give of a light, but it also served a much bigger purpose for Dillard, which was it re-inspired her to write again. Also, Dillard wants to do the same thing with herself and her writings when she passes away. Dillard wants people to read her works so that her legacy, her flame will keep on burning. The reason Dillard wrote journals on the burning moth and devoted an essay on the moth is because she gained a lot of insight from the burning moth. From the burning moth Dillard saw a theme of life, the theme of loss and gain in more than one way. Another thing Dillard understood from the dying moth that after something dies, it has a role. So, did Annie Dillard waste her time when she wrote this essay devoted to a moth? Dillard did not waste her time when she wrote this essay because she saw things in the burning moth that most people wouldn’t have seen and so, she shared what she saw and the insight she had learned from the moth.

Late Bloomers

At the first hint of labor, she is rushed to the hospital with fear and excitement. Hours of painful contractions take over her body but the knowledge of soon meeting her unborn child keeps her hanging on. After delivery she holds her newborn son in her arms. She does not know until years later how dependent upon her this child will become. Josh does not respond well to sounds or faces but the doctor's test his hearing and find nothing wrong. A few years later this mother notices that her son is a â€Å"late bloomer† when he has not yet learned to walk or attempt to talk. His appearance is like other children his age but his abilities are limited. Josh is unable to point to objects or hold his arms out for love. He pushes away from affection wanting to be left alone to play with his toy cars. Josh finds fun in flapping his arms and laughing, usually at inappropriate times. School has come but still Josh does not speak. When he begins to speak, he talks in a repetitive babbling manner that is impossible to understand. He fears school and unknown faces. When he arrives home from school, he is repetitive in movement and activities. Josh paces the floor in circular motions and at times bangs his head on the floor. Josh does poor in school because he fails to pay attention. He has poor eye contact and is often seen with his hands over his ears. By this time, his mother has realized that he is not a â€Å"late bloomer†, something is wrong with her child. After many tests and observations, Josh is diagnosed with autism, a disease that is not curable. He will live with this social disability for the rest of his life. Josh's mother is concerned that she is to blame for his disability. She consults her doctor about the cause of this disease. It is possible that viruses and genetics have a role in Josh's autism but neurological damage is most likely. Depending upon the severity of Josh's disability he may or may not be able to care for himself in the future. He is totally dependent upon his mother for his basic needs in life. The above story is a typical scenario of a child with autism. â€Å"Autism is a severe developmental disorder characterized by profound language delay and extreme social withdrawal (San Jose Mercury News). Autism affects normal development of the brain having to do with social interactions and verbal skills. Autistic people usually have a hard time relating to the outside world. They are often described as being in an ice block. The cause of autism is still undetermined but, researchers from all over the world are devoting time and energy into finding the cause. Neurological damage can occur in any child for any number of reasons. This is why autism is so hard to diagnose and treat. This disease can affect anyone and any race. Neurological damage can be caused by many things part of the everyday life, such as vaccines. Due to a 273% autism increase in the last ten years in California, the U.S. Department of Education launched a research study. â€Å"It was decided to target mothers who had received a live virus vaccine after the age of 16, whether or not they had an autistic child.† (Yazbak, F. Edward, MD, FAAP 1999) The conjecture was that antibodies which the child had received from it's mother had some how mixed with the vaccine to create autistic results. Mothers received the vaccine to meet requirements for higher education; work related vaccines, or failure to react to previous vaccines. Two hundred forty parents of autistic children and mothers who had received vaccines were studied. Seven studies are discussed in ‘Autism: Is there a vaccine connection?' â€Å"Six out of seven children (85%) who resulted from these pregnancies were diagnosed with autism, and the seventh, (case 1) whose mother received a measles vaccine, exhibits symptoms which suggest autistic spectrum† (Yazbak, F. Edward, MD, FAAP 1999). Research is still being conducted on vaccines given to pregnant women and how the vaccines effect the unborn child. Other cases of autism are being researched, as neurological technology is becoming available. Genetics, for example, are being scanned for flaws and pictures are being taken of the brains in progress. â€Å"Phenylketonuria (a brain disease) is a purely genetic disease that can cause mental retardation† (Cook, Jr., Edwin H. 1999). If it is found early in childhood, dietary therapy can prevent this disease. It is possible autism may be treated the same way, but because this theory and many others are new, funding and research just begun. Secretion is also a therapy that can help with autism. â€Å"It is one of the hormones that controls digestion† (Lloyd, John Wills 1998). Secretion is emitted into the empty stomach by cells in the digestive system to stimulate the liver and stomach to produce enzymes that aide to digestion, and fluids that neutralize the acidity of the intestines. Pituitary adenylate cyclase activation polypeptide (PACAP) is also used. PACAP, a peptide that is used to medicate disease such as ulcers, but has a side effect of suppressing membranes which cause autistic children to act abnormal has been found. When given to rats, delayed reactions were seen in response to loud noises and open spaces. When children received secretion, their eye contact improved and alertness and expressive language were seen (Horvath, Stefanatos, Sokolski, Wachtel, Nabor & Tildon, 1998). The Tomatis Method is a much different approach. The aim of the Tomatis Method is to develop or reestablish communication when it had been lost or impaired using the ear and its various functions (Sollier, Pierre 1996) Tomatis treats the child not the disease. This treatment is not a cure; it is only used to improve the lives of autistic children. Sixty percent of the children treated show improvements, such as clearer speech, more eye contact, and interaction with other children and teacher. Parents have been reported that Tomatis Method speeds up other therapies and makes life easier. Like all treatments, there are good and bad days. Some days the children revert to their own world and again become recluses. Tomatis has found a new way to retrieve these children. To reestablished communication, Tomatis focuses on the vestibule, the inner part of the ear. â€Å"There is not one single muscle of the body, including the muscles of the eyes, that is not under control of the vestibular system† (Sollier, Pierre 1996). When the sensory input does not run smoothly the child becomes bombarded with information. The confusion of the information causes the child to withdraw into his own world to protect himself. Tomatis points out that hearing and listening are two different things. Autistic children cannot focus on the correct information coming into his senses. All of us hear background noise, but choose to focus on bits of information that are important to us. An autistic child does not have the ability to listen, he may hear cars pass by on the street below and all the other back ground noises. Autistic children ‘space out† or enter into their own world to escape the confusion of the outside world. By creating an easier way for autistic children to decipher information, the desire to speak is found. To do this, conducted research in which children listen to their mother's voice. â€Å"He electronically filtered her voice, to match the sounds heard in the womb† (Sollier, Pierre 1996). The children began to bond with people around them. It is known that a mother's voice sooths children, and since autistic children live in fear its natural that Tomatis uses the mother's voice to sooth those fears. As technology becomes available many therapies will be created to improve the life of autistic children, but the best way to improve the child's life is to educate their care providers. Autism is an incurable disease estimated to occur in 1 in 500 people (Centers for Disease and Prevention 1997). Learning the symptoms and signs of autism is the first step in education and improved care for autistic children. Signs of autism may be detected as soon as infancy. Some signs include: 1. Arching his/her back to avoid touch 2. Failure to anticipate being picked up Years ago parents did not live the burden of with autism. Most children were put away in asylums to be left in their own world, because they were not understood. These children spent their lives not knowing any other world than their own. Today with the technology we have, we can enter into the child's world and bring him back to our own. This can all be done with education and technology.

Choices – creative writing

Life is full of choices. Kelly, my best friend, made many choices; life altering choices. It sculpted the rest of her entire life. I, Karmen, was standing by her. Whatever happened to her. She was the only girl I had ever known who had the ability to hurt me, make me cry, make me loathe her, but still deep down, let me love her. Of course in this day and age some mocked our friendship; perceived it as something more. However, only we knew what we meant to each other. She was my life; she was like a sister to me. Our friendship undeniably was not the easiest, but whose is? Despite all of this, I loved Kelly Mainers more than anything in my life. Let me start from the beginning. Seven years to the day, I met Kelly. It was a cloudless day, at the beginning of September, it was apparent by the looks on everyone's faces that none of us wanted to be there. The weather was showing no signs of cooling, so it felt like we were attending school in the middle of summer. I noticed this girl waving her parents good bye at the gates of Whitmore Girls. She had a thought provoking face. Long brown hair outlined her heart shaped face, and her vivid bright green eyes were the focus. She caught me staring and smiled, I did the same. We were eleven and young, fresh out of junior school, we just thought of each other as people to talk to. After a while our friendship deepened. We had instantly clicked. Neither of us had brothers or sisters, so we filled that void in each other's lives. We were mocked at school for constantly being together. No one would ever catch us without the other, and when they did, they knew something serious must be happening. The years passed, as we grew older, our friendship grew stronger. However, at around 15, gradually our personalities began to differ. Kelly was into boys, make-up and clothes, whereas I was into music, food and television. We still conversed, but the spark that we had encountered at the beginning of our friendship just was not there anymore. We did not feel the need to be around each other constantly. It was sad, and we both had noticed it, but we did not let it jeopardise the little communication we had left with each other. We both acquired more friends outside our own friendship, which in a way helped me, but not Kelly. Kelly's new friends influenced her in a way that I can only describe as detrimental. I was inclined to call them the â€Å"Shriek† crew, due to their incessant screeching whenever they spotted a member of the opposite sex. They turned Kelly into mini clones of themselves, which I am sure you can guess, was not a good thing. After much deliberation, one Saturday at the beginning of the summer holidays, 15 and free, I gave in and agreed to go out with Kelly. I usually tried to avoid doing this in case one of the â€Å"shriek† crew decided to tag along. After a long time, it was just the two of us. Looking back, it was the last time that Kelly and I had spent some real quality time together. We spent that whole afternoon just talking. We caught up on everything, I felt like I was getting to know her all over again. She had changed a lot, but deep down I knew she was still Kelly. The Kelly I ‘chose' to be my best friend all those years ago. I had had one of the best days of my life, so obviously something had to come and spoil it. Just our luck, it was Karl, Karl Daniels. It was obvious to anyone who laid their eyes on him that he was good looking. Consequently, this boy was classed as Whitmore Boys finest specimen. I can still recall the effect that Karl had on Kelly and me when we first saw him. We were walking and I noticed him first. I stopped dead in my tracks; he literally took my breath away, all clichis aside. He had an utterly captivating face. After this day, Karl became the focus of all our attention. He was the type of boy that girls lusted after and a select few actually got. Some spent their lives throwing themselves at him. I had personally fawned over Karl for quite some time. However, soon his effect on me died down. Kelly, on the other hand, had a completely different take on this. As she grew older, her lust for him grew stronger. It was seven o'clock, and Kelly and I were still out and about on our â€Å"Bonding Session† when Karl called out to us, â€Å"So, you two wana come my way? † I scowled quietly. Kelly, right on cue, giggled and tossed her hair. She had switched into flirting mode. â€Å"Hey Karl, you all right? † Kelly simpered, as a wide slow grin spread over her perfect features. â€Å"Uh-huh, so what you saying? You two guna come? It's this massive party down at my yard, love it if you could be there,† Karl replied. Blatantly he was only asking me to come along out of politeness. This was a regular occurrence: the guys chat Kelly up whilst I sit on the by lines watching, and assume the nickname ‘moody bitch'. Nothing new there. Kelly looked pleadingly at me, and I gave her one of my ‘don't even think of asking me, you know what my answer is, do what the hell you want' looks. She seemed displeased. â€Å"Karl, I'd love to come you know that, but it looks like my friend isn't in the party mood, and would rather I didn't go, sorry,† Kelly stated. My heart went out to her, she had fancied this boy for ages and she was doing this all for me. However, Karl, being a boy, persisted further, â€Å"What? She your mum now? Who says you have to go with her? You can come with me girl. Trust, you'll have fun with me too! † Karl responded winking at her. That small insignificant gesture made Kelly's mind up instantaneously. With a few rushed apologies she sauntered off, arms linked with the â€Å"sex god† of year 11. She had picked Karl over me, a twinge of pain swept through my body. I was aware she fancied him but she could have at least tried to persuade me to accompany her. Little did she know that going to the party would change the course of her whole life; she could do nothing to stop it. It was the first day back to school from the summer holidays. I was late, and was darting around trying to get to my new form room. I had not spoken to Kelly for four weeks since that day she chose Karl over me. Neither of us had bothered to pick up the phone to each other during this time. However, Kelly was the kind of girl I tended to call a sporadic caller, i. e. they only call when they want something! Personally, I thought it should be Kelly's duty to do this especially as she was the one that left me that serene Saturday. Things like this rarely traversed Kelly's mind. My mobile bleeped and said â€Å"four messages received†. All of them were from Kelly begging me to find her in the school toilets. As usual, Kelly called and I ran to her side. I made a slight detour on the way to my form room and found Kelly sitting on a toilet. The door was ajar, and I found Kelly crying hysterically. I was at a complete loss. I did not know what to do; why was she so upset? Kelly's sobbing ceased momentarily, whilst she urged herself to talk, â€Å"Karmen, I have something to tell you and please don't interrupt me for once, I just want to come out with it†¦ I'm pregnant. † I was gaping at her; it was like a bombshell. Kelly looked so vulnerable; I wanted to reach out and hug her. Suddenly something snapped in me; I could not put my finger on it but in a space of a second, everything had changed. Something was stopping me reaching out and touching my best friend. Why? She again burst into full-fledged tears and I just could not bring myself to console her, it was impossible. I tried to reach out and touch her arm but it was as if an invisible string was holding me back, making me keep my distance from her. I am not sure why this piece of news had such an effect on me. I think it was because deep down I wanted Kelly to realise for herself that the people that she hung out with were wrong for her. The old Kelly would not just up and leave and go out with a boy that she hardly knew. â€Å"The eyes are the windows to your soul,† Kelly had said to me five years ago. Until now, I had never understood what she meant, but she was right. When I was staring into her eyes, I could feel every facet of emotion she had in her. I was scared for Kelly. What would her destiny be 15 and expecting? â€Å"Whose baby is it then? † I asked, mentally running through the string of boys that we were acquainted with. Karl's,† she replied with a sniff. I studied her face intent on getting the truth, but Kelly made this task very easy for me – â€Å"Look Karmen, I don't see the point in being in denial, Karl raped me ok? I know what you're going to say ‘I told you, you shouldn't have gone with him in the first place blah blah blah'. I know i t was entirely my fault and I know you think it is to. We were making our way to the party and he was being so nice. Treating me well. Before I was drunk at the party, I didn't really know anyone, so I hung around with him. One thing led to another and was kissing him, nothing more. I went and hung out with some of the â€Å"shriek† crew and that was all right. Then a couple of hours later, Karl came up to me. His breath stank of alcohol and he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away. However, in the end I just could not help it, I liked him so much and I gave in to temptation. I was in his room and we were just talking,† Kelly again broke down into tears, I let her cry it out, but she started to talk again. â€Å"I am an idiot I was kinda drunk; I didn't even know what I was doing, let alone when, where and how. I doubt I even enjoyed it. I mean I liked him yeah, but not enough to do something like that with him. I don't know, I lost my virginity to him and I didn't even want to. He was so rough, and his eyes were evil. It was as if a different Karl had taken over. He wasn't the same sweet, innocent faced boy that I had fancied for so long. I am such a mess, and I am so sorry I didn't ring you. I did not know what to do with myself; I've been a nervous wreck. Seriously Karmen, as a mate, I need to know that you'll be here, right beside me. † What could I say? After hearing all that, the invisible string that was holding me back let go. Apart from anything else, I managed to give her some degree of solace. I doubt I alleviated any of her pain but I did my best. Something that really bugged me was the fact that she did not seem too bothered about Karl raping her. Rape, the dictionary defines it as a) if a man rapes a woman, he violently forces her to have sex with him against her will b) rape is the act or crime of raping a woman. The next day, Kelly talked for two hours straight, and I just listened. Listened to what she had to say and how she felt. It was her time and not mine. I came out of it feeling different. Different as in doubtful but not once did Kelly speak about how she had been violated by Karl. I thought a lot over the next few days. I recalled all the conversations that Kelly and I had had about Karl (which was quite a few). All the evidence pointed to the fact that Kelly wanted this to happen. Not that it was pre-meditated or anything, more that she wasn't bothered about the fact that she had been violated and her virginity had been lost to a terrible crime like rape. It would make sense, I mean she had always fancied him, and I was positive that her feelings for him were more physical than anything else. She was not so much upset about the fact that he raped her, more the fact that she was pregnant. I mean obviously the suspicions that I had were not rock solid, but they felt right. A few months passed, I consciously distanced myself from Kelly. Not that she had noticed, of course. She got a lot of teasing when her bump started to become prominent, but those people soon refrained from this when she began coming out with her version of the ‘truth'. She was basking in the glory of being one of the only girls to lose their virginity in year 11. However, what she called basking, I called bragging. She was bragging that she had had sex with Karl. What was she? Did she not realise what she was saying? I only caught snippets of her conversations but I was quite sure what I had heard was true. Kelly was claiming to the rest of the class that Karl did not rape her, but that she was the consenting party in this. This just consolidated my suspicions. My best friend was a liar. â€Å"Yeah, I know. He looked too buff that night. He was so sweet. I'm glad my first time was with him,† I heard Kelly say. Since when had rapists been sweet? It was not that I was eavesdropping; more determination determined to unveil the truth. â€Å"Seriously! Yeah I heard from someone that you got off with him that night! How was it? You're such a lucky bitch, us lot would all kill to be with Karl! † the unknown gossip hungry girl said. â€Å"Look, I ain't the type of girl who kisses and tells you know! You wana know what went on, you have to ask him,† clearly Kelly was avoiding the question. So, did this mean she was raped? I mean at the beginning of the conversation, it sounded like she had wanted this to happen; am I right? However, towards the end, it was the complete opposite to that. I had concluded that if I was going to get my answers, there were two things that I needed to do and have a) courage and b) confront her. Eventually, I did muster up enough courage to confront her. The thought of Kelly hiding all her pain from people was hurting me. Did she not trust others with her secret? Obviously the paranoid side of me kicked in and I thought that maybe she had not been raped, and it was all a ploy to get attention from me. I mean we had grown apart but lying about something so serious, that was uncalled for. Therefore, the purpose of the conversation was to get the truth, the real truth from what they call the ‘horse's mouth'. In a way, deep down, at that time, I thought I knew the truth, I just needed to hear it for myself. Kelly, did Karl rape you or not? I don't understand, you came to me and told me that he had raped you, and at the very same time you're bragging to all your other friends that Karl had had sex with you. I'm sure you can see how I feel; I am confused and I can't help it you're sending me mixed messages. Were you raped or weren't you? Did you want him to? Is that why you went telling the whole year how you got off with him? You disgust me you know that; to even think that I spent time thinking of you, hoping it would all get better; whilst you're sitting here weaving all your lies. † She was silent. For once in her entire life, Kelly had no comeback for me. She had not taken her eyes off me for five minutes straight. None of us had uttered a word, just exchanged menacing looks. She offered me no explanation, and just before she walked off, she told me â€Å"Maybe if you came with me to the party this wouldn't have happened, you thought about that Karmen? † â€Å"Typical Kelly, can't face up to anything can you, so you shift the blame onto someone else. You've been found out and you can't handle it,† I shouted after her. I watched the back of my ‘best friend' as she walked away and realised we were the complete opposite of that. We had changed so much along the way; I hardly knew who she was anymore. I could not take it. Why should I have to be responsible for all the mistakes that she makes? She had the audacity to say that it was my fault she got pregnant because I didn't go to the party with her. I could not just be there at her disposal all the time, day in and day out. There was a time when I considered Kelly as my one and only best friend. I had moved on. This girl was some kind of alien to me. I was physically disgusted with her. I had considered her my own flesh and blood and now she was having a baby. The old Karmen would have stood by her, but not now, she was on her own. I had decided that I was going to make a stand for myself, see how she could handle her life without me. As evil as I must sound by saying this, it was all-true. My capricious friend had her comeuppance, and to some extent, I was glad. With hindsight, I regretted doing this. I did not realise how much my words had affected her, how much me not being there for her had done to her. A few short months after the confrontation, I had not heard or seen Kelly around. According to gossip, she had had a baby girl. Kelly's mum left countless messages for me on my answering machine everyday, begging me to come and visit her. Her last few messages started to become a bit more desperate and personal. Kelly had postnatal depression; she was rejecting the baby. That was Kelly all right; she could not face up to anything, not even something as serious as this. A few days after Kelly's mum's message about her postnatal depression, I received a letter from Kelly – Dear Karmen, Letters, don't you find they are the best form of communication? Remember when we used to write letters to each other day in and day out. I still have all of them you know, they mean so much to me, please don't ever forget that. This may be the last letter I will ever be writing, to you, or anyone else. Do you remember the first day of Whitmore? I smiled at you, you smiled back. From that moment onwards I knew that we were meant to be friends, we clicked you know? I knew that you were the only one like me in that hellhole. To this day, I stand by that comment. Do you remember the days when we were literally obsessed with Karl, and we spent the whole day looking for his house? Took us ages, but we persevered and found it. Since you have stopped talking to me, my whole world has literally crashed around me. Have you forgotten all the good times that we spent together? I haven't. I sat in bed last night, just thinking about all the times we've spent in each other's company; sitting on the terrace, contemplating on life. Those were some of the best days of my life. I miss that; in fact, I miss you. My life feels like nothing without you by my side. I know people were always commenting about how close we were for just friends, but was and still is true, we are more than friends. I consider you as a sister. I will be the first one to admit, that the â€Å"shriek† crew were some of the people that thought we were more than that. I told them otherwise. I stood up to them Karmen, that was something you always said I couldn't do. I found this in a book†¦ Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow Don't walk behind me, I may not lead Just walk beside me and be my friend When the whole Karl raping me thing happened, I didn't know what the hell to do. I felt so violated by him, but I couldn't tell anyone. Everyone had been at the party and seen what had happened, they all just thought I'd got a bit carried away and slept with him. But, it wasn't like that. You should have seen his face when he did it, it was so indelicate. I cried for days on end after it had happened. To make it worse, the â€Å"shriek† crew all assumed that I had wanted it to happen with him. Yes, I was physically attracted to Karl, but not to the extent that I felt I needed to lose my virginity to him. It stung when you insinuated that I had lied to you, when I had not. You confronted me that day and I blamed you for this happening to me, I realise I shouldn't have. It was your choice not to come with me, and now, looking back, I wished I had not gone either. As usual, I felt I needed someone to blame for my actions, but you weren't the one. All I wanted was for someone to tell me, â€Å"Kelly, it wasn't your fault†, but no one did. I thought I had to put up a front for the â€Å"shriek† crew. I didn't want to be known as the freak that was raped. Besides, I know them better than you do; they were overtly laughing that time when Chrissy got raped by that university guy. How would I tell them this? So, as usual to get out of it, I spun my intricate web of lies to get out of the predicament. I wasn't lying to you; you are the one person in my life I would never dream of deceiving. Karmen, I trust you with my life. Do you know what kept me going that day and night? No? That I could tell you and you could give me the support that I needed. I did not need the â€Å"shriek† crew if you were there by my side. Where were you Karmen? Where were you when I needed you most? I had my baby, where were you then? I called and called you for days on end, why didn't you ring me back? I love you so much, and the one time in my life I needed you, you just were not there. Was this some kind of punishment for the ways I've treated you in the past? I didn't deserve that. I had just been raped by a guy that I had fancied for ages and you were punishing me, I could not comprehend. When I told Karl that I was pregnant with his baby, he literally told me â€Å"Well, that's your fault, leave me alone and stop telling people the baby is mine. † Can you even begin to imagine how I felt? I had been raped by him. Foolishly, assuming that he had an iota of decency in him, he would help me; obviously he didn't. I rang you so you would know what I called my baby – Karmen. Do you know why I called her that? Because when baby Karmen grew up, I wanted her to be just like you. A strong, good person, not like her mother. I rejected baby Karmen, I had postnatal depression, and did you come and see me then? Numerous times my mum left messages on your phone for you to visit me, and did you? Did it cross your mind to talk to the girl that you spent the better part of you life with? I better cut to the chase; I know how you hate long letters. I can't take life anymore Karmen. I just cannot take it. It's such a mess, baby Karmen I did not and still do not want her, and I doubt I ever will. I love her, but I cannot outwardly show my love. How do you think that makes me feel? Every night she sits and cries and I can't go anywhere near her. I'm afraid of what I could potentially do to her. What Karl did to me affected me psychologically in a way I doubt anyone will ever understand. To some extent, not even I understand why I'm feeling this way. I don't think the true effect of the rape really hit me until after I had Karmen. Before that I had comprehended with the fact that I had been raped, I just had not had time to get over it. I'm a weak person Karmen, all this pressure I cannot deal with. Without you, I had no one to offload my worries and problems onto. No one to talk it all out with. Now you're not here for me, I don't see the point in living. I want to die. It's not just one of my phases, I've been feeling suicidal for quite some time. Only now have I built up the courage to do something about my life, and my choice is to end it. This is the last letter you will ever be receiving from me, and the last time you will be hearing from me in general. So, I just want to say – â€Å"You were like a sister to me Karmen, the child that my parents didn't have but always wanted. You are irreplaceable, and I know some other girl will take my place as your best friend. Being the kind hearted person that you are, you will be equally good to them as you were to me. I thank you so much for all you did for me in the time that I have known you. I love you Karmen, and whether I am dead or alive, nothing is going to change that. I am sorry I'm leaving it this way, I wish I didn't have to, but I feel I no longer have any other choice. Goodbye Karmen, I love you with all my heart. † Kelly x P. S. You always said that I have to be the one who the makes choices in my life. This is my choice. I choose not to be alive anymore. I chose to lie about Karl and all that. I control my life now that is what you always told me to do; I've done it Karmen. I have finally taken control of my life; it is all in my hands now. I read the letter; I was just numb and immobilised. My world had been instantly transformed. She had hung herself. As disrespectful as this must sound; I thought that if Kelly ever killed herself, she would take pills. However, she did not, she chose something that would hurt her, she did not take the easy way out for once. I mean hanging yourself is not exactly the most comfortable position. Kelly and I had both made many choices in our lives. Hers, however, were very drastic. It all started when she chose Karl over me. If she had not she probably would not be dead right now. The grief I was undergoing inside of me was overwhelming, all I could think of was â€Å"what if I had just gone with her to that party? † â€Å"What if I had just believed her and not confronted her that day? † â€Å"Returned all her phone calls†. All these questions were literally eating me alive. For the first time in my life, I felt guilty. It was terrible; it was like a wave of heat frequently swept over me. Every time this happened, I felt like being sick, I hated it; I wanted all this grief to go. The recollection of the letter brought tears to my eyes. What must she have been feeling when she wrote it? I was astounded †¦ she was gone, and I could not come to terms with it. The other day the â€Å"shriek† crew decided to confront me, they blamed me for her death. They are truly heartless. I had just lost a best friend and they were lecturing me about how I should not have ignored all her calls etc. What do they know? They were the downfall of Kelly, if she had just realised they were not the right sort of people she should have been hanging around with, she may have been alive at this moment in time. It was the day of her funeral. Kelly's parents were distraught; they could not fathom what made her do this. According to them, Kelly was always such a happy girl, and towards the end, she had shown no signs of feeling suicidal. Evidently, they were not the most observant parents. The last choice that I made concerning Kelly was to give the eulogy at her funeral. It was my last attempt to discern why, why I neglected her in the recent months. Then it came to me – it was my choice to.